Dear Summer?!?!

This recent warm weather here in the Mid West is not good for me or anybody who wants summer to arrive.  I'm loving the warm weather here but its giving me the summer blues!  So when temperatures return to normal, it will be back to reality in the Mid West, and the possibility of that Easter Snow Storm.

Have you ever?

Have you ever stood still in the rain?  LOL  I don't want to sound crazy or anything but I have done it before.  During a thunderstorm, the sounds of thunder, the flash of the lightning, and just letting the rain just fall throughout your body.   To me its invigorating to just be in an experience like that.  I know, I know I will get "You're out your damn mind" messages, but its almost like your free.  Free to let your thoughts wonder, free to feel what is like to let your mind wander from all the troubles in the world, just free.  Try it one time and you will understand where I'm coming from.

-Mannie

Here we go again...

So a while ago I got some serious news about my grandfather.  NOT that grandfather that I called him my father ; but on my father side.  Well it started when my mother saw him at the post office and he said its imperative that I should call and talk to him. So I called and we talked, had a few laughs and all, was happy that I was graduating from my school, etc, etc.


So my father calls me and say "Hey man your grandfather has stage 2 prostate cancer.  We're going to talk about what to do next".  This was pretty unexpected about hearing this, ya know?  I was never around my father side of the family because of "personal issues" between me and my biological father, but it kinda hit me again as to someone who wants to know me and always kept me in his heart even though the issues in the past.  And it SCARES THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME because if I get too close, I'll be losing someone who I feel that I didn't get enough time to get to know.  So now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place about what to do.


In hindsight, I can actually hear my grandfather, my "father", telling me "its your only chance Mannie.  Go ahead and do it."  But am I ready to go through the pain of losing another close family member?  Not too long ago I did lose an aunt because of breast cancer, and now I might lose my grandfather; whom I hardly even got to know: because of prostate cancer.  And the thought of him passing away before I got to know him or actually getting to know him is killing me inside. 


But in all, maybe I should go with my gut feelings.  I've listen to him tell me stories about his fights in the Korean War as a Navy Vet, so I can say that this is stage 1.  I just have to prepare my heart for the loss.


-Mannie